a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
