If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
