There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
