apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
