Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
