I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
