I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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