party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
