Having a random hookup so left but love u
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
