Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
