okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
