just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
