You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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