I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
