Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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