i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
