Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
