I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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