how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
