HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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