Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
