My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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