You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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