guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
