I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
