my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
