I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
