even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
