Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
