So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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