is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
