I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
