So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
