I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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