I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
