I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
