i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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