you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
