Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
