Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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