Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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