Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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