So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
