My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Screwed.edu
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
