You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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