I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
