I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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