I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
