just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
