There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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