when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
