i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
